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Saturday, June 12th, 2004
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| Time: | 1:16 pm. |
| Music: | helium - pat's trick. |
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should the last name "sexsmith" be making laugh as much as i am right now?
i hardly think not.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 2:25 pm. |
| Music: | pure - denial. |
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as far back as i can remember i've always been able to separate my mind from my body. i guess that's an appropriate way to describe it. it's usually a conscious sort of thing that i do when i'm in pain but sometimes i can feel it happening without my effort. it's odd. kind of feels like the bones in my body are slipping out... like my body is running water.
there's no proper way to tell you exactly what i'm doing or how i'm doing it. it just is.
and today it's come in handy, because i'm afraid two midol just can't cut it.
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Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
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i think i have a cavity.
i don't know how this happened. i brush my teeth like a maniac. we're talking about three to five times a day. i hardly ever eat any chocolate or chips or all that junk.
so why the fucking fuck do i have a cavity?!
and why do i give a shit...?
i mean, everybody gets them. right.
well, i've never had a cavity before. i'm almost nineteen. it's something i'm oddly proud of. everytime i went to the dentist they complimented me on it. i don't consider myself an attractive person so having nice teeth was the only feature i felt good about.
but oh nooo, i guess my good luck has to run out sometime.
it feels so silly, fretting over a fucking brown spot on my back molar. it's probably stupid for whoever is reading this.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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jesus!
an ant just fell out of fucking nowhere onto my arm.
what the mother fuck? and what other gross, gross insects are hiding out in this room.
ewww.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 3:49 pm. |
| Mood: | i feel like daaancing!. | | Music: | le tigre - deceptacon. |
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so far today instead of studying for math i've read about faeries and ghosts.
boy, i truely am the king of kings.
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when i call you beautiful
it's 'cause i can.
and when you think i'm sucking up
i sort of am.
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and so the biggest, most perverted person that i can think of has just... flirted (?) with me on - line.
oh, matty boy, if only you knew that you had been slagging off the very same person a mere few months ago...
sigh.
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Wednesday, May 19th, 2004
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| Time: | 12:20 pm. |
| Mood: | hungry. |
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starving myself does not equal perfection. starving myself does not equal perfection.
i just have to find a way to believe that.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 4:09 pm. |
| Music: | raintcoats, the - 57 ways to end it all. |
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lately i just feel... odd. out of place. i find that my thought patterns are even different than they were before. the way i look at things. the angle i approach simple tasks.
everyday life as i knew it has changed. in a big, big way.
i don't know what to make of this.
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he thought big and they called it a phallic.
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oh no.
my boyfriend gave me a rose and i think i may have lost it.
it's really not my fault though. really.
you see, there's a hole in my bookbag and i think it may have fallen out.
oh jeepers! i sure do hope i left it at his house by mistake.
but he lent me his sweater. it smells like him.
i'm going to go sleep in it now.
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Wednesday, May 12th, 2004
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| Time: | 11:29 pm. |
| Mood: | mellow. | | Music: | broken social scene - feel good lost. |
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for the first time in a long time i feel... completely mellow. completely at ease. how nice. i could get used to this.
i think i'll go look into college while this good feeling lasts.
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just like an arrow through my heart
a feeling so strong
a scarlet fever burns my soul
from this moment on...
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| Time: | 9:11 pm. |
| Music: | weezer - i just threw out the love of my dreams. |
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once upon a time i think i actually was in love. probably not the "in love" you're thinking about, not the typical kind.
but that didn't work out because... he didn't care.
and in a sense as much as it infuriated me it's what i admired the most. it's what made me come back for more and it's what i've become.
because.
why care? why bother? at least if there's nothing in the fist place, nothing can take it away.
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| Time: | 12:10 pm. |
| Mood: | depressed. | | Music: | portishead - numb. |
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every time i get my act together it just comes unraveling. on the whole i have no idea what i want to do with my life and when i do gather some resemblance of an idea there's always a factor that puts an end to it.
i'd probably have better luck if i tried to operate a prostitution ring out of a cop's basement.
man, you are in the bell jar!
me too, lelaina
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| Subject: | pants on fire. |
| Time: | 6:19 pm. |
| Mood: | pissed off. | | Music: | 1 speed bike - the day that mauro ran over elwy yost. |
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well, i guess i lied.
i would like your help. mother.
but how on earth i should approach you is... a matter all too complicated for me today.
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| Time: | 10:05 am. |
| Music: | rusty - groovy dead. |
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last night i had a dream about livejournal.
and just then, i almost wrote "elven" as my subject line.
i think i am turning into a nerd.
bye bye dork - dom.
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dyingconcubine's journal